Medical thanks

I had my 6 week check with the midwives last week. This is the end of my time with them, the official end of the postpartum period. I am really going to miss these ladies; they’ve taken such good care of me, and it feels a little like saying goodbye to a connection to Oscar (although I know, as they’ve told me, they’ll always be there for me, and they’ll always remember Oscar). Thinking about how grateful I am for the care they’ve provided also has me reflecting on all the other amazing caregivers we’ve had, so I thought I’d dedicate this post to thanking them.

Our midwives (team one at the midwifery group) have been absolutely incredible. From the initial stages of pregnancy, through Oscar’s diagnosis, prenatal care, birth, death and after, they have been compassionate and supportive every step of the way. It is hard to express how much their care has meant. Whether it was having me in every two weeks to monitor growth and listen to Oscar’s heartbeat, helping me find the information to feel secure in our decisions, connecting me with another family who had gone through a similar experience, or just crying with me when I needed it, it is hard to express how much their care has meant. They looked after all of us.

When we went for our dating ultrasound at around 10 weeks of pregnancy, the ultrasound tech noted a few things that concerned her, and the suggestion was made that we have further testing done to see what was going on. If it wasn’t for her, we wouldn’t have had the warning we did, and all the time to prepare.

We had some further testing done at PCRM, and the staff there were very honest in their worries about Oscar, providing us with clear explanations of what they saw and what their concerns were, and helping us look at what our next steps might be, as well as providing support during the period of uncertainty where all we could do was wait for him to grow and time to tell.

We spent a fair amount of time at BC Women’s hospital, starting with our initial diagnosis. We met a lot of people, from doctors to nurses to lab techs to research assistants to receptionists to many others who provided professional care and a supportive smile. When we received Oscar’s diagnosis, the team from medical genetics (physician and genetic counsellor) offered us clear and honest information and choices in treatment. We weren’t pressured to make any decisions, and what we did decide was respected and supported. We were also followed by maternal fetal medicine, who helped monitor the pregnancy and Oscar’s growth. I will always remember the compassion, and empathy, shown by the doctors when explaining what they had found when doing the first detailed ultrasound. We were offered a lot of choice in our care and given a lot of information. We were referred to specialists, including neonatology, who took the time to meet with us, listen to Oscar’s story, and prepare for his arrival alongside us. We had obstetricians supporting our midwives during Oscar’s induction. We were always given the opportunity to ask questions (and have them answered), and we felt like Oscar was respected and being given good care. We felt confident we were being looked after, and that our thoughts mattered. It’s hard to say thank you enough for all those things.

I’ve written previously about the staff at Canuck Place, but need to say again how amazing they are and continue to be. They helped create a personalized care plan, answered all sorts of questions, and made us feel that we would be supported no matter what the outcome. They were there when Oscar was born to help preserve memories like hand and foot prints. They cried with us, listened to his story, and asked to see pictures. They honoured his death like they do for all the children they care for. They continue to support us in many ways, and just knowing they’re there makes a huge difference. Again, it’s hard to say thanks enough.

The staff on the maternity ward were also incredible. We met ahead of time to review Oscar’s care plan, and so many little details were thought of and reviewed, which contributed hugely to how smooth his birth and care went. There was a butterfly on our door, a gentle sign to let the staff know that this wasn’t a normal birth and baby. So many people came in quietly, respectfully, and took the time to acknowledge Oscar, even after he had passed away. It can’t be easy to deal with death on a ward where all people expect is new life, but they did a tremendous job and we want them to know how much we appreciated it.

There are a few people who were there for Oscar’s birth who deserve special mention. Our midwife was with us from induction through labour, from birth through death. She helped give Oscar his first and only bath, cried with us and smiled with us, and her gentle presence and skilled hands got us through a lot. We met our delivery nurse when I was being induced, and I remember how she sat and rubbed my back when Peter was moving the car and my contractions were getting more intense. I was so excited when I found out she was coming to the ward with us and would be there for Oscar’s birth! She too was there for Oscar’s whole life, looking after us and just being with us. In many of the pictures you can see multiple pairs of hands, either comforting me during labour or looking after Oscar, and most of the time the hands were theirs. Our pediatrician deserves special thanks too. When Oscar was first born, her skill gave him the chance to spend some time with us. When he was ready to go, her honesty and compassion helped us let him go gently. Oscar’s life wouldn’t have been the same without these three ladies.

I know there are others I haven’t mentioned, so I will say thank you one more time to everyone. To all the medical and hospital staff who touched Oscar’s life: thank you for looking after him, for respecting him, for getting to know him, and for being with him. Although his life was brief, your care helped make it the beautiful, amazing thing that it was.